My Cup Runneth Over

There are so many wonderful aspects to being a Mama. The whole nine months I was pregnant, everyone kept telling me how amazing life becomes after the baby gets here, to enjoy every moment of being pregnant, that babies change everything. They were right. And then some. Double up on the doses of life becoming more meaningful, more loving, more exciting....but there is more. There are things that no one likes to tell you, the secrets we hide in our closets, hoping and praying that no one dwell long enough to notice it within. Luckily for me, I have a husband who won't quit, and asks me repeatedly, until I crack and divulge the secrets I'm trying so hard to keep. The secret of not feeling as though I'm enough for him. For the baby. For Molly. Whenever women have babies, it seems like the automatic response is like that of a voicemail response, "Life is peachy, couldn't be better, loving every moment of it." And that is 100% true. But there is more. There is the fact that I get up in the middle of the night to pump because my son doesn't like to nurse, so now I pump and then feed, pump and then feed. My sleep is depleted even more by the fact that I have to plan to wake up ahead of my little man to pump enough for him. There is fact that my family lives hundreds of miles away, and sometimes I wish my Mama was closer to help me. Everyone always wants to help a new mom the first few weeks, but what no one realizes is that it's the weeks following that 6 week marker, when the newness has worn off, that a new mom could use the help. Believe me, coming from a new mom, offer to help after a month or so. Bring by a casserole. Move their laundry. Go to the market for milk. Bring by a tennis ball for the family dog who might feel a little left out. Just saying. I used to make to-do lists a mile long and be able to accomplish them all in one day. Now notsomuch. Life is continually changing and I am along for the ride. I hope this post is in no way misconstrued. I adore being a mom, I love my son. That goes without question. I just feel like so often we avert our eyes whenever new moms (and veteran Mamas) mention the fact that this job comes without a handbook, without parameters. God give me the strength to see the late nights through, the patience to endure the early mornings, and the love my family needs me to give.