Monday, April 9, 2012

My Cup Runneth Over

There are so many wonderful aspects to being a Mama. The whole nine months I was pregnant, everyone kept telling me how amazing life becomes after the baby gets here, to enjoy every moment of being pregnant, that babies change everything. They were right. And then some. Double up on the doses of life becoming more meaningful, more loving, more exciting....but there is more. There are things that no one likes to tell you, the secrets we hide in our closets, hoping and praying that no one dwell long enough to notice it within. Luckily for me, I have a husband who won't quit, and asks me repeatedly, until I crack and divulge the secrets I'm trying so hard to keep. The secret of not feeling as though I'm enough for him. For the baby. For Molly. Whenever women have babies, it seems like the automatic response is like that of a voicemail response, "Life is peachy, couldn't be better, loving every moment of it." And that is 100% true. But there is more. There is the fact that I get up in the middle of the night to pump because my son doesn't like to nurse, so now I pump and then feed, pump and then feed. My sleep is depleted even more by the fact that I have to plan to wake up ahead of my little man to pump enough for him. There is fact that my family lives hundreds of miles away, and sometimes I wish my Mama was closer to help me. Everyone always wants to help a new mom the first few weeks, but what no one realizes is that it's the weeks following that 6 week marker, when the newness has worn off, that a new mom could use the help. Believe me, coming from a new mom, offer to help after a month or so. Bring by a casserole. Move their laundry. Go to the market for milk. Bring by a tennis ball for the family dog who might feel a little left out. Just saying. I used to make to-do lists a mile long and be able to accomplish them all in one day. Now notsomuch. Life is continually changing and I am along for the ride. I hope this post is in no way misconstrued. I adore being a mom, I love my son. That goes without question. I just feel like so often we avert our eyes whenever new moms (and veteran Mamas) mention the fact that this job comes without a handbook, without parameters. God give me the strength to see the late nights through, the patience to endure the early mornings, and the love my family needs me to give.

2 comments:

Laura said...

being a new mom sucks.

there.
said it.

Your life is different, you never sleep, your body is changed, and by changed I mean fat, your house is a mess, nothing is easy anymore, you are never alone, and then when you do get away alone you feel guilty, you never get a good nights sleep, you feel isolated and alone, you think you are doing everything wrong, the crying can drive you crazy.
It is awful, endless work. AND when you finally get your baby asleep for the night, it dawns on you...I HAVE TO DO THIS ALL AGIN TOMORROW!!!!!!!

But we moms all know that none of this means we don't adore our babies..I mean, seriously love them more than anything in the world...and we are the happiest we have ever been. There is nothing that compares to being a mom. NOTHING. Not even a good nights sleep.

My first baby changed my life. No more romantic dinners...my baby decided dinner time was time to cry. He wouldn't take a bottle...I would spend hours pumping, and it would go wasted. BROKE MY HEART.
It was HARD.

The second baby was EASY. I just felt GUILT. Like I was cheating on my first born.

Third baby? No sweat. Kept doing what I was doing, just had to remember to take the third along.

Now the fourth....???
Made me a crazy woman.
But so worth it.
Family is complete with this little guy.

All that said...
I found that moms don't like to admit that being a new mom is hard, or dare I even say, that being a new mom SUCKS at times, because that, for some reason, means they are not a good mother. It is embarrassing to say that there are moments you just want to sleep! Or go for coffee ALONE. We are supposed to ADORE every waking moment, otherwise, we are selfish and ungrateful. We put an awful lot of pressure on ourselves. I hate it.

You know you can call on me for the truth...
I am all about making mothers feel good...
it is a difficult most awesome job...
actually, it is a VOCATION.
God has called you to be a mom...to your boy...He gave YOU this job because He knows you are the best mama for the job. Never forget that.

I will pray for some sleep, and if I could bring you a casserole I would!!! (though something should arrive to you in a week...it's not food...so don't get too excited)

Hang in there.
Don't worry about the dog.
And remember that you are not alone !

Mrs.Rabe said...

I have 6 children...it is work, but blessed work! What a gift you are giving to your son, Jaclyn, to pump and feed him your breast milk...I have a friend who pumped all the time so she could give her Down's daughter her breast milk...then she continued to pump because they were adopting a Down's daughter from Bulgaria....now she is able to use milk that she pumped and froze and milk from another mom who pumped and froze it for both her girls. They are still benefitting from the milk.

It was time consuming - she is giving her life for these children - as you are doing for your little man. You are precious -

Deanna