Wednesday, March 30, 2011

How To Be a Super-Wifey

It's pretty darn simple....

All you need to do is find yourself one of these:

And once you catch one, never let him go. In his eyes, I am always beautiful, despite last night's mascara remnants. From his perspective, my days of PMS are nothing more than the spice of life, something for him to laugh about later on. Every meal I cook and serve him is like having Thanksgiving every day. To him, I am his world, in spite of the fact, I sometimes feel so lonely and isolated.

It's pretty easy being a super-wifey....all you need is the love of a good man.

(Isn't he handsome?....I know I'm partial, but really, my opinion is the only one that technically matters :) )

Friday, March 25, 2011

Remembering to Forget

Ever have that nagging feeling like you forgot something? Like you forgot to do something? Or you walk into a room and can't remember why you did? Yeah, that was me all last week. I was lost without my husband. Each day, he was up and gone from sun up to sundown. I meandered around, doing my best to fill the void with things to do and places to go, but alas, I just needed him. We needed us. I realize we may not make much sense to some people, but then again, we are not 'most' people. We need time together, and we do best when we are by each other's side. Last week was one of the longest and most emotionally/spiritually/physically draining weeks to date. As you may have guessed the 'new' job didn't work out so well, but honestly, I would rather get by on less and have him around, then have him work constantly and never see him.

I have been scouring my books on homesteading, coming up with various ways I can help out around home to save us some money. Thus far, I am working on our garden out back. I make a loaf of bread from scratch every two to three days. I make our soap, I make lotion bars, I make body scrub, and am working towards homemade doggie treats for Molly and cleaning supplies.

Honestly, I enjoy all this so much more just knowing each hour I put into making something myself is another means to keeping my husband home just a little bit more.

Besides, I'm pretty sure he is the better half of me....

Monday, March 14, 2011

Wholie Canolie....

Originally, I was going to post about flowers and lady bugs and feeling simply wonderful. Life has been wonderful, it is wonderful, I do feel blessed, but there is something lurking beneath the surface. Something that makes me cry at a moments notice, makes me forget how to smile, and at this very moment has me on edge and bleary-eyed with tears. Forget the make up for today, I've smeared it all over, and fixed once. I'm trying to get a grip, but today the deck is stacked against me. Stick a fork in me I'm done.

I feel like I should place a disclaimer on this rant, a by-line that tells you I am fine, I am whole, I am okay. I love life, I have an adventurous spirit, I get up and get going everyday. There disclaimer finished.

With that said, I'm cracking.

Remember how I told you I am a children's book author. Well, lately I have felt like my life is somehow less valuable or of less importance since I don't hold down your standard job. Everyone is always telling me to go out and get another job, to do something more. I'd like to tell I didn't listen. But somewhere, somehow, my deaf ear listened. And now I am left wondering if I should do more. When or how, I don't know......

Isn't it funny how we can expect so much out of ourselves? How one person's opinion or anecdote is suddenly enough to alter our entire mindset? Or just a bit of it?

My husband started his new job today....a steady job, one with decent wages, and plenty of hours. I am elated that he has a job and that he is happy, but there is a small piece of me so very sad to spend so much time alone. Again.....

He also said we could try again for a baby, since he has steady pay and insurance now....all I have been thinking about since that conversation is, you want to have a baby?! What if my body gives up again? Could I cope with losing another little one? Can life possibly hurt this much? Am I being silly, selfish, and scared? Where did my coping skills run off to?

If they could make an appearance again, I would so very much appreciate it. Just like I wouldn't mind my tear ducts to close shut, so my face could stop looking like a punching bag, and maybe......oh I don't know.

I just wanted to talk to my friends, that is all of you. I wanted to ask you to pray for me, to loan me some of your coping skills for the meantime.....

To leave you on a good note, this is Molly's new neighbor, Suzie. She loves Suzie and so do I.....makes my day just seeing her.

Hugs and all that good stuff.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Chicken Feed and Molly

On my last update, I was knee deep in boxes, tangled in packing tape. Now, we are in Texas, and working on unpacking, taking it slower this time, no point in winning any races. My in-laws live just around the corner, so we are staying with them while everything is updated on the out in the middle of nowhere, off a dirt road, in tornado alley, makes it pretty difficult to move into a house that is "move-in ready"......they don't exist here.

When I'm not working on the house, or doing actual work, I'm taking care of my mother-in-laws chickens, chasing Molly who has taken up chicken wrangling, planning our garden, making phone never ends and that's okay by me.

A really beautiful thing about living here is at five o'clock in the evening, you can sit on the back porch with a nice glass of sun tea, and listen for the calves beckoning their mamas, the chickens rustling as they settle in for the night, the horses stomping the earth below. Their is a slight breeze blowing outside, rocking the world to sleep, and let me tell you, I have never been a good sleeper. In fact, four hours is considered decent in my book, but since arriving in Texas, the sheer quietness of this place has kept me sleeping for at least eight hours, and more happily around the ten marker. This teeny tiny town is healing my soul, and it feels so wonderful.

I need to find my camera and post some pictures for everyone....I will get to that soon, promise!!

Until then take care everyone....time to put on my boots and to work!