Thursday, February 3, 2011

It Should Have Been

It should have been today.....

This should have been the greatest day of my life. This should have been the day I became a Mom, and my husband a Dad. But instead, there were no hospital gowns, no nursery runs, no horrible hospital food, just another normal day.

This was just a normal day of work, laundry, cleaning, bills, exercise, and walking Molly. Any other day, this 'normal' day would have been a breeze, a welcome sense of normalcy. I wish it was.

Instead, I spent the day fumbling around keeping my mind busy, trying to find some sort of an appetite, and generally feeling bogged down. My mind remembered what had happened, while my body felt like an empty vessel, tipped over, poured out, and left bone dry.

But, tomorrow will come, the sun will rise (hopefully we get some sun!) and life will continue to resume its normal rhythm.

So for now, I will snuggle up next to my hubby and watch some silly syndicated reruns on the tv, and tell myself over and over, that I was a Mama once, and will be again some day, whether the kiddos are born here or born elsewhere.....

For now at least I am blessed enough to have my hubby and Molly.

9 comments:

LLJ said...

My prayers are with you.
Hugs and love,
Leanne

Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

So sorry that you had to go through this difficult day Jacklyn. I hope the sun was shining there today.
I read your previous post about adopting. I think it's a wonderful idea. My older brother is adopted. My parents were married 9 years when they adopted him. They were looking into a second adoption when my mom found out she was pregnant with me. I was born when they'd been married 12 years. If you haven't read Tammy's blog "Country Girl at Home", you'd love it. They recently adopted again.
Blessings,
Marcia

Tanya said...

HI Jaclyn
I met you through Marcia's blog. She is such a sweetie. I love her blog! I read a few of your posts and it sounds like you are going through some very hard and difficult times. I'm sorry. It sounds like you have sadness on your heart. I will pray. God will provide and he is working on you and your husband's plan. I offer to you the words of "faith and patience" which I know you must have already.
Take care and I will come back to visit.
Tanya

Anne Lorys - Fiona and Twig said...

Hi Jaclyn,
Thank you so much for the visit and the comment, because it led me back here to you.

You most certainly have my most heartfelt prayers, my friend...having suffered through two gut wrenching miscarriages myself, and having no other children, I relate all too well to what you are feeling.

I wanted to share the link to a post I did last year on this very subject. Scroll through and read the comments, you are far from alone...

http://fionaandtwig.blogspot.com/2010/05/you-are-mother-too.html

Hugs and prayers,
Anne

Libbie said...

Oh Jacylyn! I am sure that was a hard hard day! So glad to hear you are finding comfort with your husband. I will make sure I pray for your heart often over the next few days. Sending love!
Libbie

Jaclyn Hicks said...

Thank you everyone for the love and support. We are doing much better here. We spent time in the Word, and that always helps. Also, we have some exciting news....we are moving!! TO THE COUNTRY!!!

I will post pictures of our new home in the next few days! Thank you for all the prayers and support, they have meant so much to us!

Valerie@chateaualamode.typepad.com said...

Jaclyn, I just stopped by from Marcia's blog and read your post. I'm so sorry for your loss. I do have three living children; however, my third child was stillborn at 8 months. I share your grief and will keep you in my prayers. I know how hard it is to have lost a sweet baby no matter how far along. It's so hard to understand God's plans for our lives sometimes. Take care and know God has amazing plans for you.

Kelli said...

Hugs to you, my friend. I'm sorry I haven't been around for a few days. Super busy around here. YAY for a move to the country and hoping today is a bright, sunshiny day! :)

Joy said...

Jaclyn~

Thank you so much for the encouraging comment you left on my blog!

This post brought tears to my eyes...in the face of a mother's sorrow no words seem adequate.

♥Joy