Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The New Gig

I was put on this planet to be a Mom.

There I've said it.

I now realize my sole purpose is to raise this wee one the best I know how, and to love my husband with every ounce of my being along the way.

From those tiny hands, I have learned to hone patience and to practice positivity. I see how my actions prior to Motherhood demonstrated a woman eager to please everyone else, whilst ignoring the passions and desires of her heart. My tongue was quick to respond, and unfortunately, those responses were too often full of meanness and swill. The moment I became a Mom, I awoke to a world much different than I had seen before. Suddenly, I wanted so badly to protect my little one from the harshness of the world, to raise him in patience and love, to show him how a Godly married couple should talk to one another.

My own insecurities seemed to fade away as I found confidence in my ability to provide for my son. When faced with the challenge of keeping a newborn alive, suddenly those tiny insecurities you clutched so tightly to, come unraveled and fall away.

I've got a new boss man to answer to.

Sure he is demanding at times, but that is small potatoes compared to the pay-off I get in the end.

I was put on this planet to be a mom. I'm sure glad I got the job.

Friday, May 25, 2012

The New Dinner and a Movie

What was once fancy-schmancy dinners and movies has been replaced by home-cooked meals and reruns.....

My new date doesn't come in slacks and a button down shirt--he sports his Mickey t-shirt from his Grandma in California and begs for more milk.

He is my new Friday night date....

And personally, I think he couldn't be anymore handsome.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Rolling Around My Head

Lately, I've had a lot of time to think.

A lot.

I spend about six hours a day pumping (mind you, that is also including the quiet midnight hours), and about four more hours feeding and burping a baby. Altogether, I'm pulling 8 to 5 office hours without the stale coffee and gossip around the water fountain. Which gives me ample time to think about everything--whether it is prayer for a friend, or a possible job to bring in income, or ways to be a better mom, or how I still can't manage to make everyone happy, or my professional life, my brain lacks little in speed and proficiency.

You would think that sleep deprivation would cause some kind of delay in brainwave patterns, but alas, I'm led to believe that my mind thrives with less sleep, while my body enthusiastically objects.

I had an idea for a children's book one night during a late night feed. I thought about all the things I want to remember about my son being little, and all the things I have loved doing with him thus far. I thought about the daily routine--bathtime, tummy time, playtime--and I want to commemorate these memories. Freeze them in time and etch them into a little piece of history. Maybe I will make that my second book......God will guide my hand.

On the topic of my little man, he is doing wonderfully. He eats on average 36 oz a day (yes, that is 2.4 lbs a day!) and he is growing like a weed. He is always so active and moving that he burns through his food in no time! He is not excessively chubby, but with how much he moves that doesn't surprise me. He loves to coo and scream and squeal whenever my husband and I talk to one another. It seems like he wants to put his two cents in as well. I have a feeling that once he figures out how to crawl, he is going to have me constantly on my toes!

Here is the sweet little man on one of our walks...his hat was still a little too big!

And this one was from nap time.

He has made my life unequivocally wonderful, just as my husband and Molly have too.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


To say that my life is complete would be a severe understatement. He is everything I ever wanted, and more than I ever hoped for.

I am so far beyond happy that words seem to elude me.

All that I can surmise is that being a mom is what I was born to do. My heart is so full, I wish I could share the love with all of you. Instead, this picture is all I can give.....that gummy grin gets me every time.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

A Day for Mamas

Tomorrow is my very first Mother's Day. I've got to admit that I feel like a little kid at Christmastime. The hubby has promised to make breakfast and dinner, which means I don't have to cook tomorrow! Yay!

He asked if there was anything special that I wanted for tomorrow. I answered that I thought cooking the meals was my gift! We don't have any big plans, and that is exactly how I like it. I am hoping the weather holds and we can enjoy a nice long walk and maybe a cup of coffee out on the front porch.

Last night, I was rocking the baby to sleep. The rhythmic rocking to and fro, his warm cheek nestled into the crook of my neck, those tiny little fingers wrapped around strands of my hair, and it hit me--life couldn't possibly get any better than this.

Tomorrow's celebrations will be about more than just becoming a mom, they will be about the reason why I became a mom and the little man that has forever changed my life.

I pray everyone has a wonderful Mother's Day. May there be nothing but love and appreciation tomorrow and always.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

A Softer Side

Something happened after I had my son.

Something changed in me.

One of my downfalls, a piece of me that I'm not very proud of, is my quick tongue. I have an innate ability to say the most hurtful thing, at the exact moment I shouldn't, to someone whom it will hurt the most. There have been multiple times that I have uttered a hurtful word, or sent a text message in haste, and later, sorely regretted my decision.

It seems as though that side of me has been fading away. Just today, my husband went on ahead to his parent's house with the baby, while I stayed home and pumped. He had been out and about today, visiting, and I was home with the baby until they left. Normally, I would have been angry at being left behind, but today, I felt that anger melting away. I pumped knowing that this milk is best for my son. I took my shower and put on some clean clothes and headed over to dinner.

In those wee hours, when everyone is asleep, but I have to be up to pump, I sit in the quiet and I pray.

I pray for any one who comes to mind. I pray for my husband that he may continue to follow God's path. I pray that he would find a job we could do together, or one he could do from home and still be able to watch our son grow up. I pray for the health and well being of our son and our family. I pray for my family in California, I pray they know how much I love them. I pray for my friend back East and that her health my be restored. I pray for my ability as a mother, and for God to guide my path to parenthood. I pray that I may want to do better, to become a better version of myself. I pray that I may hear God's voice and listen.