Sunday, May 6, 2012

A Softer Side

Something happened after I had my son.

Something changed in me.

One of my downfalls, a piece of me that I'm not very proud of, is my quick tongue. I have an innate ability to say the most hurtful thing, at the exact moment I shouldn't, to someone whom it will hurt the most. There have been multiple times that I have uttered a hurtful word, or sent a text message in haste, and later, sorely regretted my decision.

It seems as though that side of me has been fading away. Just today, my husband went on ahead to his parent's house with the baby, while I stayed home and pumped. He had been out and about today, visiting, and I was home with the baby until they left. Normally, I would have been angry at being left behind, but today, I felt that anger melting away. I pumped knowing that this milk is best for my son. I took my shower and put on some clean clothes and headed over to dinner.

In those wee hours, when everyone is asleep, but I have to be up to pump, I sit in the quiet and I pray.

I pray for any one who comes to mind. I pray for my husband that he may continue to follow God's path. I pray that he would find a job we could do together, or one he could do from home and still be able to watch our son grow up. I pray for the health and well being of our son and our family. I pray for my family in California, I pray they know how much I love them. I pray for my friend back East and that her health my be restored. I pray for my ability as a mother, and for God to guide my path to parenthood. I pray that I may want to do better, to become a better version of myself. I pray that I may hear God's voice and listen.


Mrs.Rabe said...

God uses motherhood to change us in many, many ways.

I know that by God's grace I am not the same woman I was before children. So thankful for His sanctifying work in my life!


Laura said...

I wish I were as close to God back when I had my first born, as I am now. but even so...I can reflect back and see that He was always there.

Motherhood, over time, has taken me out of myself.
So much easier to see God in each person you meet when you are not so busy looking at yourself!!!

I pray that you stay close to Him and that when strong winds blow, as they certainly do, you continue to hold on tight to the beautiful prayer life you have.