Ever since I had my son, it seems as though sleep is an elusive dream, a funny notion really.
When the house runs quiet and all are asleep, I find myself finishing the odds and ends that I was unable to finish with a wee one in tow. The final hour before I go to bed, I spend pumping the next bottle for the baby. Needless to say, my brain, my body, my energy is sapped.
I find myself wishing I could go to bed when everyone else does. I know my head will bob up and down as I fight to stay away during the midnight pumping session. This has been my schedule for the last five months, and while it is difficult at times, these long nights have given me ample time to pray. I have had time to think and pray for all those who come to mind, and in this time, I feel my body and mind relax as I am forced to sit still and just be.
Before this time in my life, I would have been too upset and envious of those who are able to get proper sleep; however, through the journey into motherhood, my mentality is altered and a quietness has settled in. I'm edging out that hot-headed, jealous woman for a more understanding and patient-honing mom.
I know that tomorrow morning will come too soon. And I know that there will be moments where I am begging for a nap, just five minutes to shut my eyes. I'm sure I will pray for a moments peace, maybe even a longer shower. But as it stands, God has given me the strength to clean the house, do the laundry, prepare three meals, do some gardening, read up on a few skills, take care of my husband and son, play fetch with Molly, and squeeze in a workout.
Maybe if my eyelids stay open long enough, I will continue the search for work. We shall see :)