I'm not asking you to like me, but please don't be mean to me.
Lately this seems to be the thought reverberating through my head. For whatever reason, maybe it is this stage of my life, the in-between phase of childhood friends and becoming a friend's Mom, but lately, there has been a loss. That void of feeling in which you begin to wonder if there is a target on your back, and if so, what you did to put it there.
Ever since my son came along, there is ample amounts of advice and little friendship. I have been told up and down and this side of Sunday what I should be doing and how what I am doing could be done differently. Our house has fallen under severe scrutiny as others look on in disdain for our want and desire to remain close together and tight knit. I have seen disappointment strewn across faces at my inability to do more than the share I do, and I have felt their lackluster enthusiasm for my 'simple' life.
There are the inevitable phone calls, announcing once again how I am failing to live up to my potential and whittling away my time here in the country. I feel the glares coming from all angles, family, friends, you name it.
I look at my son and pray he may remain aloof from the realm of bullies. It seems as though I never knew how harsh and hurtful bullies can be. As a child, I was free from ridicule, never feeling the meanness associated with bullies. But just because we grow up, get married, and have babies of our own, doesn't mean that we are invincible. I pray everyday, that my son will grow up to be the man who befriends the boy or girl who has no friends, that he may demonstrate kindness and love and friendship. I pray that he would be free of pain and meanness, and would instead harbor tenacity, joy, happiness, and companionship.
Despite age, despite growing up, there are a few things that will follow us no matter what. I only pray that it is different for my son, for all our sons and daughters, that they may know friendship and demonstrate kindness to those who need it, despite what they tell us otherwise.
Thank you for listening....and for always being a friend.
4 comments:
Good grief, why can't people mind their own business. I suspect they think they have your best interests at heart, and never realize how cruel they are being. You are so right that there is a desperate need for more kindness in the world. I certainly hope your prayers come true, and pray for like minded friend for you.
Im sorry you are being treated this way, hopefully whoever it is that is treating you like this come to their senses.
It hurts when they don't get it...but it doesn't mean we have to do what they think we should...God knows what HE is building in your little family. That is who you need to follow and listen to!
Screen your calls if you need to for a time, be honest and tell them that you appreciate their view but that you must follow what God is leading you and your husband to do, live etc...
Tell them they don't have to live your life, but likewise you do not have to life theirs. And that is okay!
Sorry - I've had a bit of experience here....
Email me if you want to talk more!
Deanna
What a shame that more people aren't involved in what they have before them rather than trying to force themselves into other people's lives. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for putting your family first. There will be plenty of time for looking outward when that baby boy is older. I have had to say this over and over. I am at this point again. I am having to force myself to be more outward focused this time because of my older children. I can't just shut the door and ignore the world anymore. :) I miss those days.
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