Saturday, March 31, 2012

Little Hands, Big Lessons

If someone would have told me that I would have a child before my 25th birthday, I would have scoffed and told them they had the wrong girl.

If someone would have told me that my biggest life lessons would come from that sweet babe, I would have said surely they were mistaken.

If someone would have told me that my life would forever be changed by those tiny hands, I would have hoped they were right, and prayed it to be true.

And so it is.

This life is not my own. In fact, I am typing this in the wee hours of the morning, with my sleepy little man next to me. I watch the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, that little heart beating steadily. His eyelids flutter and I wonder what he is dreaming about tonight. The tiny creases in his arms, where his little chubby rolls are growing. The flip of his hair at the back of his neck, soft curls around his ears.

He has taught me to see the details, to take it in. To take life in. Before, I was fixated on crossing off everything on my to-do list, convincing myself that the busier I made myself, the more I sought to accomplish, the better off I was. It seems as though, I had acquired a train of thought in which my self-worth was based on my ability to multitask and keep busy. Oh how wrong I was.

I look at my son and find myself losing track of time. All I can think to do is to watch him and snuggle him, praying for God to halt time. He is changing already, growing towards the man he will one day become. For now, I wish for him to stay little. It's such a comfort to be needed, to have those tiny hands reach out for mine, grasping and tugging, all the while I know just how much he needs me. Each and every day, without fail, he needs me to feed him, change him, and most importantly, love him.

It seems as though in marriage, we can get caught up in our own expectations of each other and of life, forgetting the importance of love. We forget what drew us together in the first place, the all-consuming-knock-you-off-your-feet-love. The love that gave you butterflies on that first date. The love you felt would surely swallow you whole on the day of your wedding. The love we long to feel years later, and earnestly seek out.

My son has taught me so much, more than I ever imagined possible in the past six weeks. I want to take the time to see what is around me, to take it all in. I want to observe, watch, and listen, taking mental pictures of everything life is about. I want to love my husband even more than I already do, not for any reason other than he deserves it. Our marriage is one for the fairytales, but who said the happily ever after couldn't become more?

I say defy the odds. Go against the grain. Reach for the moon, and should you fail, at least you will end up among the stars.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Life Lately

If I was to give a rundown of my day to day routine, it would contain notes of: feeding, snuggling, cleaning, snuggling, cooking, snuggling, washing, snuggling, working, snuggling, and occasionally napping. I can't describe the love I have for my lil man, but I imagine that any word would seem insufficient and fall short of what I really wish to express.

I have fallen in love with my husband all over again, too. I feel like the Grinch, whose heart has grown two sizes, to the point where I feel as though it will burst. Those quiet moments, in the middle of the night where we are all hunkered down for the day, and the baby lays between my husband and I, and Molly finds her place at the foot of our bed, my world feels complete.

Life surely does not get any better than this.

A few things I want to remember about these past six weeks:

AJ is a little mover and a shaker; he holds his head up whenever he hears my husband's voice or mine.

Just yesterday he figured out how to scruch his legs beneath his tummy and push up to do a belly crawl (say a prayer for me, this little boy is going to be a mover and a shaker!)

AJ eats the equivalent of a 3 month old, at 32 oz a day. (I pump and feed him my breastmilk that way; this allows for Dad to help feed him, as well as keep him fed, since he always feel asleep while breastfeeding.)

We have started to see those sweet gummy smiles this week.

AJ met his Great Grandma, Great Grandpa, and Aunt this past weekend.

So as you can guess, my life is pretty much consumed by this little man right now. We are planning a garden again this year, and that will soon be going in the ground. My husband has begun training a mustang that resides in the pasture behind our house, and he may begin riding for one of the farmers who in his older age, is unable to exercise all of them on his own.

I'm not sure if I shared this, but my husband is out of 'work' right now. The added ' ' are for the fact that God continues to meet our needs through my work, my husband's side jobs, and other means. Before, I always thought in order for us to survive we had to have a certain amount set aside for those 'rainy days'. Since then, I realize that my rainy day is God. He is my savings account and my broker. I'm not sure what His plan for my family is, but whatever it is, I will head in that direction.

I will be posting more updates soon, but now it's time for some more snuggles!

Oh, and I caught that sweet little gummy smile

A little miracle

Monday, March 19, 2012

Time For Picture Overload....

Since I am at a loss for words these days, I will have to leave you with some pictures....

My little man doing his best sideways grin....those little dumpling cheeks get me every time.

Sweet sleepy babies make this Mama's heart just melt. I could watch him for hours.

In fact, I do.

My whole family came out to's my little man with my little brother and my niece.

I love 1 and 1/2 year olds!

And this is what life is all about!

More updates to come...

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


I have so much love for this little man.

We are doing much better now, and just finished a visit with my family.

I'm working on a post for that, but I had to share this picture....

May you all have sweet dreams.

I'm off to kiss those sweet cheeks and snuggle with my little man.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Taking a Few Days

I wish I could have updated sooner, but I developed a severe form of mastitis. I had to go on antibiotics and had the worst fever of my life. I hope no one has to experience that.....I am praising God for a wonderful and loving husband who has nursed me back to health (and continues to do so) and for a family who has picked up the slack.

I ask for anyone who wishes to, to please pray for restorative healing to my body. I want so badly to do more for them.

Be back soon.