Sunday, June 9, 2013

Giving Up

No, this is not going to be a recollection of all my downfalls and my pitfalls.

That is what I would have done not too long ago. In fact, that is what I have been trying desperately to turn away from.

That pesky seven letter word. The one we all try to achieve and fool ourselves daily into believing.

Perfect.

It's official folks, I'm not perfect. And it is so exhilarating to say that!! I have many, many flaws, so many that I have fought tooth and nail to hide them away. I always thought that if I was thin enough no one would notice the fact that I am tall, too tall to wear heels and just tall enough to be awkward. Then I thought if I was the top of the class no one would notice how my face beamed red with embarrassment whenever I was called on, fearful of making a mistake. I thought if I was the wife who did it all and was soft-spoken then I could be remembered as the sweet, kind little wife. Once I became I a mom, I thought surely I could juggle it all and do it flawlessly.

Oh how wrong I was.

I am a woman who can move dressers around a bedroom without any help because God made me strong. I am smart and intelligent through the determination that God has laid upon my heart and my mind. I am not meek and I speak my mind, but I try to do so in a way that He sees fit. I drop the balls that I juggle often, but I refuse to let them lay there listlessly on the floor, so I pick them up, and start over again.

The past few months, I have done what I have always wanted to do.

I gave myself a break. I realize that days cannot be molded and shaped into what you want them to be. Rather, I have learned (and continue to learn!) to be flexible and to take it all in stride. I have plenty of road to travel, but I look forward to the journey. There is a freedom nestled between the giving up and the giving in. I think it's called living.


1 comment:

Mrs.Rabe said...

Yes!

I completely understand! I am learning that it is okay to trust God with details of my life and life for Him! Then I can be who HE made me to be. And use the gifts that He gave me to use - strength, intelligence, discernment, and to grow in those areas that I need to - mercy, for example! :)

Thank you for sharing!

Deanna